The Fatherhood Coalition

Why we remember a father By Earl Henry Sholley and Doug Turcotte April 19, 2001

The following passages are excerpted from a testimonial jointly written by Earl Sholley, director of the Southwest Metro chapter of the Fatherhood Coalition and former state senate candidate and Doug Turcotte, friend of Steven Cook.

Why we remember a father

Steven R. Cook took his own life last April 25th, in part, we believe, due to an unrelenting domestic violence industry and regime that blindly endorses female victimization regardless of their own dysfunctional and/or abusive behavior--while punishing men regardless of their guilt or innocence, the facts or the circumstances. Over 70% of all  domestic violence cases don't include even an allegation of physical abuse.

Mr. Cook, who was in chronic pain due to two severe auto accidents, was thrown out of his home and had no place to go. He was denied pain medication while he was incarcerated at the Dedham House of Corrections, a few weeks before he ended the intolerable physical and emotional pain in his life. In January of 2000, he was incarcerated for calling his daughter on Monday instead of Sunday.

It is important to point out that judges do not have to incarcerate for such a harmless violation--but they do it to "teach men a lesson." They believe men must take responsibility for their actions. But the legal system is telling women that they do not have to accept responsibility for their actions when they perjure, abuse legal process, or alienate children from their fathers. Women who physically abuse their mates are rarely arrested.

Like many men who have no place to go after being thrown out of their own homes, Steven Cook was living out of his vehicle. That is where he eventually died from asphyxiation after running a hose from his exhaust to the inside of his car.

Steven was also going through a divorce at the time. He was despondent at not being able to see his daughter. His wife had even been blackmailed by the Department of Social Services to get rid of him or lose her children. He was being forced by the court to jump through hoops just to arrange visitation with his daughter. He was also depressed because the destructive family court had ordered his house sold. He believed that he would never be able to afford to buy another house. Steven had inherited his parent’s home and he had sold it to buy a bigger house for his new family. No one would help him get his tools from his home so he could make a living All these factors contributed to his decision to end his life. He apparently felt that he had no other choice.

People who physically abuse others should be punished. However, we cannot make decisions based on speculative possible harm. Incarcerating fathers because they make a telephone call or send a birthday card is state terrorism.. The system is being horribly abused, especially in divorce proceedings. Courtroom "victim's advocates" refuse to help male victims of domestic violence. The Jim Crow laws of the old south have become the Jane Doe laws of the new north. Where is the outrage for this blatant gender profiling?

We have embarked on a reign of terror against men and fathers and even parents in order to keep women and children safe. The result is conflict, lying, child abuse, soviet-style mandated reporters, an out of control judiciary, family destruction, politicians who pander to public safety fears, disrespect, people who are making huge sums of money off this conflict and misery, and more suicide and violence. It also leads to conflict and polarization between the genders.

Those of us who gather on the Needham Common on Saturday, April 28 will be making a statement that all life is precious and sacred. Human life must be treated with dignity, no matter how imperfect it is. Steven Cook was worthy of compassion and understanding. The system failed him, and it failed his family. It failed his daughter. The Commonwealth refused to help him because of his gender. As a citizen, he never anticipated anything less than fair treatment and equal justice. He certainly never expected to go to jail for making a telephone call to his three year old daughter.

May you rest in peace Steven, and may God have loving mercy on your soul.

 Earl Henry Sholley and Douglas Turcotte

Co-Chairmen, Memorial Vigil

(617) SAD-DADS

Earl - (508) 699-0432

Doug - (508) 653-1132

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